That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
