Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
