i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
