If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
