He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
