In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was a lot of him and a little penis
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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