is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my shit smells like andre
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
