I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
