i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
