when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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