I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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