allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ketchup is God's man juice
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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