im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
