I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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