Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
