i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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