You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
