Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
