I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
