just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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