Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
