definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am naked and annoyed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
