I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
