the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize