"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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