you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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