a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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