My first STD was from a foam party
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
