What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
