You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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