the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
