Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
