i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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