Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Couch. On fire.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
