So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
