Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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