youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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