is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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