hotel room ftw
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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