His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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