sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
