Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
