Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You pole danced in your parka.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
