the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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