I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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