After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
