This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
