Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
