We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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