11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
