But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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