Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
