she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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