the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
whose parrot is this?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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