your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
