hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
