Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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