just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
