omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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