he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
