fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The Olympian is in my bed
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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